Hi, I’m Shuli.

I spent most of my life suffering in incongruence between who I was internally and externally.

The misalignment blocked me from having a deep and secure relationship with myself and others, and made me tie my self-worth to my productivity in unhealthy ways.

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I grew up in a place that was chaotic, hypercritical and image-conscious. Accumulating material wealth and upkeeping certain images of myself and my family were narrowly defined for me as being “rich” and “successful”.

But inside, I knew that what I wanted from life was quite different from what was expected of me.

A rich life meant feeling good about myself, because my self-confidence was deep and real. It meant having rich and secure relationships where I could be 100% me, and feel accepted, believed in, and supported.

Richness was working in a job that I find meaningful, I’m good at, and grows me.

A rich person would return to a home and not a house, where they are comfortable and energetically present with those who matter the most to them.

And success?

It would be waking up energised, having a peace of mind away from work, resting with joy, and wanting the life I already have, again and again, even as I strive for more.

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Since I was a child, I felt compelled to assert myself and take action on what I felt was right or true. I would speak up and stand up for others, and when I grew up, I was drawn to fundraise for rescued animals, and advocate for better workplace culture and protections for workers.

But I was punished and shamed for my behaviours, which led me to use coping mechanisms like materialism, people-pleasing and unhealthy perfectionism for survival.

To compensate for who I truly was, I attached my self-worth to my productivity in unhealthy ways, and pushed myself to cross my limits until my body gave way.

The relentless need to prove myself to others, while rejecting my core self and potential, left me feeling negative, burnt out, lonely and unfulfilled in life.

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On my 30th birthday, I realised I wanted to stop living an inauthentic life of obligation and shame.

It was difficult to accept that I could not change the past, but I could take ownership and responsibility for my future.

I started to get the support I needed to rewire my mindset, and redesigned my life to reflect what I truly valued.

Slowly but surely, I learned to match my time, energy and resources to reflect and achieve my vision of a rich life.

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Now, I wake up daily to the life that younger me could only dream of. A life of greater congruence and alignment.

I wake up feeling well-rested and motivated for the day. I take care of my mind and body daily and I’m respectful of their needs. With people, I express myself with authenticity instead of self-consciousness, because I like myself and feel proud of who I am.

The careers I’ve chosen - coaching and teaching - energises me and gives me the deep fulfilment I’ve been seeking for so long. They align with my sense of purpose; they reflect what I value, and I feel valued.

I spend a lot of time in nature, dabbling in creative pursuits, and allow myself to be nourished by genuine conversations filled with laughter, vulnerability and true understanding. My home is my haven for the first time.

During challenging times, I rely on the deep self-trust I’ve cultivated and support from my inner circle. I bounce back from fear and anxiety much more quickly than before because I meet my emotions, and remind myself that challenges are temporary, and simply part of the experience of living and learning.

No matter what happens in the day, it always ends with gratitude.

Because now that I’ve coaxed my core self to the surface, I know that people who love me, and future me, will catch me if I fall.

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I’m certain that many of us have spent much of our lives shouldering the heavy weight of societal and familial expectations and obligations, and having to conform to certain gender norms.

But if we continue patterns of living that deplete us rather than energise us, we suffer from incongruence that leaves us feeling poorer: stressed, insecure and limited.

If I told you it’s possible to redefine, redesign and normalise key aspects of your life to reflect your own version of a rich and successful life, would you do it? If you will, what would that life look like?

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I’m not sure what a good death means to you. For me, it means feeling at peace at how I had chosen to live.

I want to be the woman on her deathbed who looks back on her life and says: “Oh, there was so much enjoyment, love, and great fun!”